Moving from Surviving to Thriving

When the ball dropped to ring in the new year, I always feel like it's an awesome opportunity for a fresh start.  Personally, I like the hopefulness about it - it's like you can shed the previous struggles and open your fresh wings in the new year.

I really appreciate Coach Jenn who I had the pleasure of meeting at last year's MomCon who recommended for 2014, setting a theme vs a resolution.  For me, this year's theme will be moving from "surviving" as a mom with twins to "thriving."

What does that mean for me?

- Getting a handle on the physical chaos that our home can be in - from messes to heaps of laundry and household maintenance put off for the tenth time.

- Doing more than just getting through our days, but having intentional play and activities to enrich the kids development.

- To work on our personal well being, which for me means showering more than once every three days and occasionally using all the fancy shmancy makeup that I've collected.  It also means getting enough rest, drinking enough water, and eating better.

So where has that left me and how are we doing?  I have to say that I think we're really on track here a full month into the new year!  I've been using the flylady system (with some adaptations) to get a system in place to control our chaos.  I've been working on "theme weeks" for the kids that will bring together our crafts, field trips, songs, books, activities and more to help us develop some recognition and stay occupied.  And I'm doing quite a bit better with the personal well being, by trying to get dressed every day* and being more conscientious in what I'm eating.

I did cancel my weight watchers membership last night - and it's not because I don't want to eat better - but for me, in this moment, shifting my focus to these other elements really takes away from my time to do some other things, including track food.  Like I recently mentioned - I haven't been making many hair bows, nor have I been blogging a WHOLE lot (still working on that) but I think part of thriving is taking time to reevaluate the daily priorities.  Today, we're still in survival mode, but slowly but surely - I think we're going to make it there sometime in 2014!

Double the Fun

For the past two years, I've had an almost daily struggle with the whole "twin mom" thing.  I hate the comments about my "hands being full", I dread double the diapers, and have looked enviously at my mom friends who only have one little wonderful person to juggle.  I've feared that somehow we'd missed out on that personal intimacy that it was to have this tiny little family when we were so quickly immersed into our own private chaos.

But lately, I've been catching beautiful glimpses at what having twins is really about.  I've been seeing the beautiful emotion they have with one another - sharing hugs and kisses when one another, seeking them out if they hear the other cry.  It's amazing to have the opportunity to be proud of the generosity, kindness and empathy that your two year old is showing - proud of the little person they're becoming.

Brayden picks up his spoon and fork at a casual dinner out - and proceeds to bang them together with glee.  "Great idea bro" silently says a joyful Julie who joins him in the merriment.  They just beam at each other.  The first proud that he started a trend, and the second thrilled to show that she can do it too.  I smile...

Even in the midnight hours, when they both should be sleeping I can't help but enjoy their fun.  Julie gets the idea to run through the upstairs - onto our bed, off the other side, around the loop and back out the door, and across to her room.  Brayden jumps up and follows.  And the two do laps like this for ten minutes squealing as they go.

They share all of this without words, but are so united in the experience.  It's obvious that they love the "twin thing."  And how could they not?  It's a best friend to play trains, it's a person to steal extra hot dog bits from, and a constant sleepover companion.  I'm coming to realize, we're not missing out at all.  We are the luckiest...

Quiet moments snuggled together watching a favorite show, swapping binkies and laughing in domino effect at the funny parts. Every moment bonds them together.

Today we played this game where we would count "one" "two" and then giggle wildly on "three" as we tickled someone.  It was so much fun it almost brought tears to my eyes.  Who else gets that?  Even if kids are close in age, the joy of having two together, at that same moment and stage, discovering life's pleasures is absolutely incredible.

I've always wondered what all these moms meant when they talked about their pairs - "double the fun" they'd say.  I could get behind "double the love" and "double the blessing" but really?  Double the fun? I'm becoming a believer...  I feel like the fun in our family grows exponentially every day.  And I am so blessed to be part of this wild ride...

Anything Worth Having - A Twin Mom Rant

I think back to those words I first spoke when I found out we were having twins - "how will we pay for college?"  I was so completely unaware to the challenges of parenting multiples that I was oblivious that the 18 years prior to sending them to college would be way more of an issue than figuring out the financial aid.

Today was a really tough twin day - one where my bag of Chic-fil-a burst open pouring onto the concrete as I struggled to carry both to the car, and then in an attempt to get my keys and open my van door, one child darts out of my reach, running though the parking lot as a drag the other to catch up and get him before a car did.

Thank God for the sweet (random) woman who came up and asked how she could help - I shoved Brayden into her arms, and went back to fishing for my keys.  "I think you lost a binky" she said.  "I think I'm loosing it all" I responded.

Being a twin mom is ROUGH sometimes almost all the time.  I've read too many Twiniversity posts where moms debate back and forth on what's harder - infancy or toddlerhood.  The reality is that none of it is easy, it's all impossible.

My mom has asked me lately why it is that being a "stay-at-home" mom isn't enough for me, like it was for her back in the 80s and 90s.  I wasn't able to put my finger on an answer when she asked.  Maybe it was because she'd already had a full teaching career before she stayed home?  Maybe it's because more women work today and I want to still be part of that world.  It wasn't until today that I realized that without this blog and GiggleBuzz, I'd likely go off the deep end.  If I was purely measuring my success on days like today, I'd honestly feel like such a failure.

I still struggle to not get frustrated by those who poo-poo the struggles.

• "Oh I have two kids too - I know how it is."
• "I'm sure in some ways twins are easier - they always have someone to play with."
• "I would never put my kids on a leash, I just taught them to stay near me in the parking lot."

To the writer of that last remark (on another twiniversity facebook post), I just want to say "bless your heart - I'm so happy for you."  My kids must be broken, 'cause despite my best attempts to persuade/baricade/duct tape them to my legs, they just aren't learning to stay.  It's these type of statements that really make me shake my head.  The first two are oblivious about this level of chaos, but moms - especially other twin moms - who try and act like they have it all together aren't kidding anyone.  And even if they're way better at this than I am (which I'm sure many are) it's certainly helping no one to shove your success in our failing faces.

I think though, about all of the ways I've changed in the past 21 months I've been a mom.  Two years ago there are so many things I would have "never ever done" that are now are just part of my reality.  For instance, prior to running through the parking lot, I allowed my child to walk around the restaurant waving at people.  She wasn't trying to escape, wasn't crying, and was within sight - I counted it as a good strategy.  Even while she was sitting on the floor in the middle of the restaurant walkway, I lost my drive to care what people thought about her antics and figured they could just walk around.

Before our lunch debacle, we ventured to pick some apples at a local farm.  While Brayden was scared of the branches and hid in his stroller (figures) Julie took the opportunity to bite every apple she could find from the ground.  She was a connoisseur of dirt coated, grass glazed, bug crawled apples - and I just turned around and let her have at it.  Meh - she won't die I figured.   

It's kind of sad that that is our new standard of success - not dying.  Truly Dan and I had this conversation today.  It went something like this:

Dan: Well at least they didn't get hurt, that's your job Heather - keep them from getting hurt.

Me: But that's part of the problem, how can I ever prevent that when there's only one of me?  There will be a day when one gets hurt because I don't have enough hands to protect them both.

Dan: Well then - at least they don't die.  There it is, your job is to ensure their survival.

Mom and I mused at the potentials on how to prototype some device that would join the babies together (with a strong belt around their chests, with a device somewhat like one used for guide dogs) to keep them running in the same direction so I could follow.  If they run in separate directions while strapped together, at least they'd slow each other down.

After my adrenaline had cooled, and my heart slowed down, I came to realize the truth of twin motherhood.  If every day was like today, I would gladly struggle through, than to have had only one.  They say anything worth having is worth fighting for.  Today may have been quite the fight, but it's one I'd gladly take on for the joy and abundant blessing of mothering my sweet babes.  

Twin mom friends - I won't pretend I've got it all together.  I'm a very obvious hot mess circus leader who has been broken to no longer care what people think.  To those new twin moms who'd ask "does it get easier?" The answer most will say is "it only gets different."  I can only agree.

I recently realized though, one amazing truth.  I am happier than I ever anticipated I'd be in my life.  Also more tired than anticipated, but definitely happier.  I'll take all the fits, the dirt, the binkies and tears, - so glad that I've been granted the beautiful opportunity to fight for these wonderful kids who are so worth having.