Becoming Mamma

So it's been almost a month since I posted anything, but as you can imagine, I've had my hands full with two new little ones and so finding time to blog has been limited.  It's so important to me to document these days though, so I'm going to work harder to steal a few moments to write.  I especially wanted to make sure I recorded my "birth story" before I forgot all of the details.

So after postponing our cesarean for a week due to Julie's potential lung issues, our eagerness and anxiety had reached it's peak on December 22.  I slept surprisingly well the night before (considering the countdown to the biggest day of my life), and we were out the door by 6 a.m..  My wonderful parents insisted on arriving at the same time we did, just to give me a hug before I went in.  I was really glad they were there in retrospect as I was quite the ball of nerves.  We were called back at 7 a.m., and began preparations for surgery.  I was amazed at how quickly everything happened really.  I put on my hospital gown, had my heart rate and blood pressure monitored, and my nurse (Haley) talked me through the preparations.  One major issue at this point in the game was my IV.  While Haley gave it a good shot - it collapsed in my one "good vein" and we had to wait for the anesthesiologist to arrive to give it another shot.  I had prayed and prayed to have good nurses and anesthesiologists, and God really came through.  Dr Somethingorother - who preferred to be called Max - came to talk me through the anesthesia and do my IV.  He had to go deep in my wrist, even giving me a shot of local first to numb the pain.  My doctor stopped by to see how I was doing, and soon enough, it was time to go into the opperating room.

I walked in myself, and was suprised how small it was. I guess I watch too much Grey's Anatomy and expected this huge room with high ceilings. My nurse got me through the spinal, I layed back on the table and then Dan came in beside me. By this point, I was over being nervous, but was sure glad to see him.
The doctors kept pinching my skin, and each time, I could feel the pain on my left side. They kept waiting thinking the spinal just needed more time, but, it never changed. Luckily, Max had put in both a spinal and an epidural cathetar, so they were able to dose me up so I didn't feel the surgery.

So one thing I didn't expect (and maybe my experience was unique) was how "out of it" I would feel both during and after the surgery.  The most distinct thing I remember while I was giving birth was the feeling that I was falling asleep, feeling like I had to mindfully remember to breathe, and that I was really really hot.  This was definitely unpleasant.

What made up for all that lousy feeling, was the moment I heard the babies cry, and their weights announced. We were shocked that Julianna weighed 6 lbs, 8 oz., and Brayden (who was supposed to be a very large baby) weighed only 5 lbs., 11 oz.  They gave Julianna to Dan to hold while they finished my surgery, and the nurse held Brayden close by.  Holding two at once seemed a bit intimidating to us both, but when they placed both babies in my arms as they wheeled me out of the OR - I was in heaven (and high as a kite).


Recovery was rough, still feeling like I had the worst hangover in the world, and like I was hanging out in a sauna.  Apparently this is a very unusual experience as most new moms in this situation are freezing cold.  I did throw up numerous times, and they continued to give me anti-nausea medications, which made the hangover feeling worse.

I had been worried about the fact that I wasn't going to get to eat for hours after the surgery, and unfortunately, I wasn't even able to keep down the ice chips they gave me.  While all of this does sound unpleasant (and it was) it's the reality of my experience.  The warm loveliness of holding my sweet babies took a bit of time for the meds to wear off - and certainly was amazing.

After the first day in the hospital, I was a much happier new Mamma, and got a chance to really enjoy the blessing of my babes.  I could hardly get over how Brayden stared into your eyes with such intensity.  He was (and is still) so very tiny.  Julianna has such a laid back personality, stretches around, and came out with a head full of puffy little hair.  The hospital stay was much better than expected with delicious food, and patient and accommodating nurses who gave me everything I needed - and gave me space.  My parents stayed for most of the days and evenings while I was there, and my in-laws came Friday to meet their new grand-children.

I had expected to be out of the hospital on Monday due to medication issues, which was then changed and so expected discharge would have been Sunday - Christmas Day.  Luckily, I was doing so well that they allowed me to leave Saturday Night around 9 p.m. on Christmas Eve.  It was so great to not have to spend Christmas in the hospital (despite the good food).  We even were able to make it out to Aunt  Kim's Christmas Dinner the next night.

Overall with the birth experience, I'd say the following:
Spinal and Epidural:  Better than I expected
Surgery:  Better than I expected
First 12 hours after Surgery: Much worse than I expected.
Overall Hospital Stay:  Better than I expected
Holding those babies and knowing that they are mine forever:  Better than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams.

The Waiting Game

We've made it to 37 weeks today, and we'd expected to meet our two little ones today - but here we are, waiting still, and trusting God to bring the babies in His time.

Our doctors had scheduled us for a 37 week cesarean, and had me go in for an amniocentesis yesterday to ensure lung function.  With lots and lots of prayers, I was able to get through the fears of this terrifying test, expecting good results.  We'd deliver today, be home Monday, and be celebrating Christmas with two beautiful babes.  The babies would also be sharing their birthday with their Daddy if they'd been born today - but it turns out, the babies had other plans.

The amnio was much better than I expected.  At this point, the skin on my stomach is stretched enough that the needle was hardly felt.  It did feel a bit strange as it entered my uterus, but wasn't painful.  They chose to draw from Julianna's sack as she has more fluid and was in a better position.  A few hours later, the doctor called and said that the "short test" produced results that suggested that she has a 30% chance of having Respiratory Distress Syndrome - and our C-Section was postponed until next week.  We were incredibly disappointed to say the least, but were so glad that my body is cooperating to hold out this long to keep them safe until they're ready.

The doctor called this evening to say that the results of the "long test" which somehow further verifies the information, were even worse - a 50% chance of distress.  We really don't have any answers on how Brayden fares as we only checked Julianna, assuming if one was fine, so would be the other.  

At this point, we're a bit nervous about proceeding with the C-Section even at 38 weeks.  Unfortunately, with my diabetes, the doctors feel that's the best answer.  It also ensures that the delivery happens on December 22nd, well before all of the experienced docs have begun their holiday vacations and we'll still have great medical professionals available.  I'm learning a bit that there may not be a "good" solution to these challenges, just a decision to determine what's the "better" of a few options.  We're praying that they hang in their another week, that God will be with our doctors to know the best way to proceed, and that we'll have the wisdom to make the best decisions if need be.  

Doctors and Stress Tests and Sugar - oh my!

I really am thankful to feel that my doctors are some of the best in our city - if not some of the best in the Northeast.  I've seen my OB for about 8 years for regular visits, and have no doubts about his judgement and capability.  This is even more important when I'm going through a somewhat complicated twin pregnancy.  If only I could get their office staff to be equally as capable. :-)

So the first complication I've dealt with was my history of a blood clot.  I saw the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctors shortly after finding out I was pregnant to develop a plan.  The typical recommendation for this would be Lovenox - an injectable blood thinner that I would be required to take daily for most of my pregnancy, and even in the months after pregnancy.  While I of course wanted safety for me and for my babies, my enormous phobia made this treatment seem equitable to nine months in a torture chamber.  Dan and I had even considered if we should try to have a family with this looming over our heads.  At the appointment, I tried to keep it all together, but ended up in a tearful mess, with a young doctor just looking at me.  She was studying me, and finally spoke with her conclusion.  "I don't think you'll ever get used to this" she said.  She said that while Lovenox is the standard prescription for the situation, that a "baby asprin" daily would have similar results and despite having some very small risk potential, she was willing to recommend that for treatment.  The relief I felt was like a tidal wave, and in an instant, my pregnancy was changed by this doctor's wave of kindness.  This small pill has made all the difference in my ability to emotionally handle my pregnancy in a positive way, and I'll always appreciate this doctor's ability to see beyond the medical - to the human - and really understand the needs of her patient.  After I deliver, I'll transition to a heparin drip, and then coumadin when I return home.  Yes, there will be blood tests to monitor the coumadin levels, but I'll be glad to have them in comparison to daily injections.

Recently, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.  Apparently this is more common in multiple pregnancies, and in women who have a family history of diabetes (which I have).  The diagnostic tests again put my needle phobia to the test, but thanks to my amazing family, I was able to have a "heparin lock" put in so that the five blood draws required to make the diagnosis during the three-hour glucose tolerance test much more manageable.  I was diagnosed around 30 weeks, saw the dietitian around 31 weeks, and began medication at 32 weeks.  After four days on the medication, I haven't seen much improvement in my numbers, so we'll see where that takes us moving forward.  The blood sugar testing on my finger was (of course) a major point of fear in the beginning.  The first night trying to test at home left me so frustrated and in a shower of tears as I struggled to get enough blood to get a result.  Apparently our lancing device was faulty (go figure...).  I hardly slept that first night dreading the experience I would undergo trying again in the morning - but to my surprise - it happened easily with little issue.  Ever since, with a few minor glitches, I've been able to monitor four times a day in the morning and after meals, and it hasn't been as bad as I anticipated.  Maybe I can handle these needles a little better than I thought.  It's amazing how you find strength when you have to.  I was so brave that I even let my OB give me a flu shot last week!

The diabetes is effecting the babies slightly, as they're growing quite rapidly, with Brayden in the 76th percentile for weight, and Julianna in the 46th percentile.  Apparently their heads and femurs are just about on target, but their tummies are huge.  Brayden is 25 days ahead in belly size, and Julie is 9 days.  And I was worried that my babies wouldn't be chubby. :-)

Finally, our most recent experience is now the twice weekly non-stress tests, of which I've only had one, but they're actually not too annoying.  They strap monitors to my belly and I get to watch their kicks on the screen that tracks their movements like little earthquakes.  Luckily, at least for my first test, my little ones don't like the pressure of the monitors and kick like crazy!  We'll see if we get a repeat performance on Tuesday.  I may even become fond of the little outing to the hospital as my last day of work is Friday and I may be getting a little bored sitting around.  Only so much nesting a mamma can do!