Anything Worth Having - A Twin Mom Rant

I think back to those words I first spoke when I found out we were having twins - "how will we pay for college?"  I was so completely unaware to the challenges of parenting multiples that I was oblivious that the 18 years prior to sending them to college would be way more of an issue than figuring out the financial aid.

Today was a really tough twin day - one where my bag of Chic-fil-a burst open pouring onto the concrete as I struggled to carry both to the car, and then in an attempt to get my keys and open my van door, one child darts out of my reach, running though the parking lot as a drag the other to catch up and get him before a car did.

Thank God for the sweet (random) woman who came up and asked how she could help - I shoved Brayden into her arms, and went back to fishing for my keys.  "I think you lost a binky" she said.  "I think I'm loosing it all" I responded.

Being a twin mom is ROUGH sometimes almost all the time.  I've read too many Twiniversity posts where moms debate back and forth on what's harder - infancy or toddlerhood.  The reality is that none of it is easy, it's all impossible.

My mom has asked me lately why it is that being a "stay-at-home" mom isn't enough for me, like it was for her back in the 80s and 90s.  I wasn't able to put my finger on an answer when she asked.  Maybe it was because she'd already had a full teaching career before she stayed home?  Maybe it's because more women work today and I want to still be part of that world.  It wasn't until today that I realized that without this blog and GiggleBuzz, I'd likely go off the deep end.  If I was purely measuring my success on days like today, I'd honestly feel like such a failure.

I still struggle to not get frustrated by those who poo-poo the struggles.

• "Oh I have two kids too - I know how it is."
• "I'm sure in some ways twins are easier - they always have someone to play with."
• "I would never put my kids on a leash, I just taught them to stay near me in the parking lot."

To the writer of that last remark (on another twiniversity facebook post), I just want to say "bless your heart - I'm so happy for you."  My kids must be broken, 'cause despite my best attempts to persuade/baricade/duct tape them to my legs, they just aren't learning to stay.  It's these type of statements that really make me shake my head.  The first two are oblivious about this level of chaos, but moms - especially other twin moms - who try and act like they have it all together aren't kidding anyone.  And even if they're way better at this than I am (which I'm sure many are) it's certainly helping no one to shove your success in our failing faces.

I think though, about all of the ways I've changed in the past 21 months I've been a mom.  Two years ago there are so many things I would have "never ever done" that are now are just part of my reality.  For instance, prior to running through the parking lot, I allowed my child to walk around the restaurant waving at people.  She wasn't trying to escape, wasn't crying, and was within sight - I counted it as a good strategy.  Even while she was sitting on the floor in the middle of the restaurant walkway, I lost my drive to care what people thought about her antics and figured they could just walk around.

Before our lunch debacle, we ventured to pick some apples at a local farm.  While Brayden was scared of the branches and hid in his stroller (figures) Julie took the opportunity to bite every apple she could find from the ground.  She was a connoisseur of dirt coated, grass glazed, bug crawled apples - and I just turned around and let her have at it.  Meh - she won't die I figured.   

It's kind of sad that that is our new standard of success - not dying.  Truly Dan and I had this conversation today.  It went something like this:

Dan: Well at least they didn't get hurt, that's your job Heather - keep them from getting hurt.

Me: But that's part of the problem, how can I ever prevent that when there's only one of me?  There will be a day when one gets hurt because I don't have enough hands to protect them both.

Dan: Well then - at least they don't die.  There it is, your job is to ensure their survival.

Mom and I mused at the potentials on how to prototype some device that would join the babies together (with a strong belt around their chests, with a device somewhat like one used for guide dogs) to keep them running in the same direction so I could follow.  If they run in separate directions while strapped together, at least they'd slow each other down.

After my adrenaline had cooled, and my heart slowed down, I came to realize the truth of twin motherhood.  If every day was like today, I would gladly struggle through, than to have had only one.  They say anything worth having is worth fighting for.  Today may have been quite the fight, but it's one I'd gladly take on for the joy and abundant blessing of mothering my sweet babes.  

Twin mom friends - I won't pretend I've got it all together.  I'm a very obvious hot mess circus leader who has been broken to no longer care what people think.  To those new twin moms who'd ask "does it get easier?" The answer most will say is "it only gets different."  I can only agree.

I recently realized though, one amazing truth.  I am happier than I ever anticipated I'd be in my life.  Also more tired than anticipated, but definitely happier.  I'll take all the fits, the dirt, the binkies and tears, - so glad that I've been granted the beautiful opportunity to fight for these wonderful kids who are so worth having.

Out and About

Last time I posted I promised I'd share my "out and about" experiences with my babes.  It's been a while (yes I know) since I posted about getting out of the house but hopefully, on this Twin Tip Tuesday, I can share a little bit about how we survive when we leave home.

In some ways, I must admit, my kids do pretty well.  At 18 months, they sit through restaurant meals with only an occasional crank, and hang out at target like a pro.  I like to think that that is somewhat due in part to the things I'm doing "right" along the way - but possibly just a fluke.  We do have our challenges though - Julie is a major flight risk right now, with legs ready to run but ears not ready to listen to "stop" or "no" or "JULIE!!!"  We take more adventures than most though, and so we've developed some tactics to make it a bit easier.  Here they are - in no particular order.

1 - Timing is Everything.  Tell me an hour on the clock, and I can tell you the temperament of my children.  There are these beautiful windows though where all seems right with the world and outings work SO much more smoothly.  For us, right after breakfast, right before lunch - when they're awake and full and diapers are dry - seems to be perfect.  After nap, when they've had a chance to get their diaper changed and munch on a snack is a similar window.  That's not to say that we NEVER leave the house in the afternoon, but I try to avoid it at all costs because I know sleepy/hungry/cranky babes lead to a miserable/embarrassed/frustrated Mama.  Find your window and make the most of it!

2 - Be Prepared to Entertain.  I'll be posting about my current diaper bag in the near future, but I'll share now that it is stocked FULL.  I have a container of toys that are small, portable, and hold their attention that they only get to see when we're out.  Sitting at a restaurant, hanging out at target, waiting in line for groceries - these toys offer just the right bit of novelty to keep them from hollering on high.  Some folks might have issue with my methods but my tablet is the all out in entertainment.  We especially love the Peekaboo Barn App (also from itunes) to keep them occupied wherever.  And I'm almost ashamed to say, the Bubble Guppies.  Yes, I'm well aware that the APA recommends no electronics before the age of 2 - but most of the APA never tried to take two 18 month olds shopping or out to dinner.  Our kids are just the right age to start using Busy Bag activities, and I'll be sharing more about those are in my Busy Bag exchange post in the near future!

3 - Snack at Hand.  My bag is also packed with food bribes snacks to keep them satisfied.  Before a meal out, we start with an "appetizer" of cheez-its, string cheese, or apple slices.  Nothing original about that I'm sure.  What IS original, is using mini MnMs to keep the screaming toddlers at bay while at the Optician's office.  My disaster of an eye appointment (hubby couldn't get back in time, couldn't reschedule) was salvaged by jumping out of the chair every minute or so to give the kids another MnM.  Is it the healthiest option?  Of course not - but it works for us (and all the folks around us who don't want to hear my kids scream).  Our local grocery chain even helps us out with this by offering free cookies to kids - a special treat to keep them busy while picking up the necessities.

So when we're out and about, playing with our special toys and eating our snacks, we ride in style.  Obviously with two, you learn to visit stores with double carts.  These usually work well, but there are so many stores that don't offer these options.  Our solution - The Buggy Bench!  Be on the lookout for a full review of the buggy bench soon, but we absolutely love this basket tethered "back seat" which keeps one kid in the front, and one in the basket, with everyone strapped in.  I've attempted pushing a stroller and dragging a cart, and pushing/pulling two separate carts.  This is BY FAR the best solution for Twin Moms or moms of multiple kids close in age.  Brayden is my back seat rider and he absolutely loves it.

That's about it for now, but I'm sure this post will be updated over time with links and new tips as things change daily in our world!  Happy Twin Tip Tuesday!

Twin Tips: Getting Out of the House

I was so spoiled for the first 9 months that my mom lived with us that I didn't get the full "twin experience" until she moved out I don't believe.  But once she was gone, I felt it full force, including that terrifying feeling about how I'd ever take them out - A L O N E!

Our first attempts to make it to the car together were just quick runs to my mom's house, so we were okay still wearing our sleepers with bed head.  And then one day, I braved the adventure of actually taking them into a store alone.  It was Kohls, and I ran in, looked around uneventfully, and left without even buying anything.  But I had so much pride in my accomplishment you would have thought I'd run a marathon!

It's been about five months since Mom went back home, and with two now "walkers", it's still a bit tricky to get them to the car but getting easier every day.  I thought I'd document for you our process in the works!

On any given day, we're heading out to a doctors appointment, a play date, or lunch with a friend.

I start by getting them changed and dressed on the floor of the living room.  This works best for us because the room is enclosed and they can't get too far.

I get them both in my arms, and haul them (and only them) to the car.  I slide open Brayden's door first (because he's the likely runner) and place Julie on the floor in front of his car seat (bum to carpet with my knee between her legs so that she doesn't fall out) and secure Brayden into his carseat.  Then it's Julie's turn.  I open the garage door, start the ignition and get the heat or air running.  [On really COLD days, when I'm feeling nice, I'll run down before they get dressed and pop a few blankets into the dryer first which I then get out and put on them at this point.]  If it's time for a sippy cup, we get that now too, and make sure we have a binky for each.

And I KNOW this is probably controversial, because yes, there is some possibility that someone could hijack my waiting minivan from the garage, but I do run back in, and grab my keys, phone, sunglasses, purse etc and run back down.  I choose this route as it seems easier than loading the car with the kids crying and screaming abandoned in the living room, and then trying to calm them down enough to get dressed.  The risks we weigh I guess.

Finally, I make it back to the car and away we go.

When we arrive, I start with the stroller if we're using it, and load child A- and then push the stroller to child B's side to load them.  No real order here, whoever is dressed warmer gets out first.

Another controversial things here - we don't wear coats.  I don't personally hardly ever, and I believe Julie has inherited my high pain tolerance so she should be okay too.  Brayden - well... sorry bud...  It is such a struggle sometimes to get out the door that I can't even fathom getting them on - to the car - off again - out of the car - on again - into the destination - and off again.  It's just not worth it.  And kind-hearted grandmas sand older mothers scold me all the time and even stop me to ask "aren't you putting a hat on that baby?" and I just say "oh they'll be fine" and scurry off.  My comeback of choice will be "I'm training them to be Eskimos  but I haven't had the nerve to really use it yet.

So back to our circus... If we're not using the stroller and are going into the store, I stuff my keys phone and purse into the diaper bag, and throw that over one shoulder.  Find the two shopping cart covers, and stuff those under my arms.  Grab Baby A, and then go around to Baby B.  THIS is tricky now...  I unhook Baby B with one hand and do my best to get them unstrapped.  But since they can't really lean forward to get out on their own I have to do some maneuvering.  I lean in baby A  so that he balances between my forearms, and pull baby B out with my hands.  Then I somehow split them to either hip, and shut the door.  I can't explain how that part's done... it's a mystery to even me.  And - sorry... I rarely lock my car door.  If I'm really having a great day, after getting Baby A on my side, and opening Baby B's door, I'll open the passenger front door and push the lock button before getting Baby B out.  Using the remote lock on a Toyota with the door still open doesn't work (just irritatingly beeps) and once both babies are in my arms, searching for my keys is a no go.  So if you see a gold toyota sienna in the parking lot, try the handles!  You might just be the winner of my back seat video system.

If we're going to a restaurant, which happens occasionally, we're even more wild when you replace the shopping cart covers with two booster seats.  We don't like germs, so bring out own seats everywhere with no regrets - other than the challenge.  (In case you're curious, the ones we have are the Fisher-Price Healthy Care Boosters)  It's a bit bulky and you are likely to bop some unsuspecting diner on your way to your table, but boy do you feel like super mom as everyone gawks with horror admiration.

So that's our "how to leave the house with twins" spiel.  It's scary at first of course, and undoubtedly difficult at times.  But then you remember, how lucky you are to have twins... I dare to ask - which kid would you rather have given away to have your hands less full?  Impossible to answer (on most days).

Tune in next "Twin Tip Tuesday" to find out how we manage our time out and about with two!