Dan spent the morning outside, edging the front landscape with a shovel and wheelbarrow. Nose to the glass of our front window, Brayden was watching his every move. Since Brayden is typically better listener (for the moment) I asked Dan if he'd mind if Brayden came out to "help" for a bit. For the next two hours, Brayden was right at his dad's side, quietly watching him work. I asked Dan how things went when he brought the extra dirt around to the woods behind out house - how he carried Brayden while pushing the wheelbarrow. He said it was not a problem because Brayden instinctively followed along, knowing right where he was supposed to be.
Later today, I had been napping and Dan and the kids came to wake me up. Not one to waste an opportunity to connect, Dan laid next to me for moment with his head on my chest. We're a pretty romantic pair (amazing after twins) and I gently ran my fingers through the back of his hair and ran my hand up and down his back. Julie popped up on the ottoman next to our bed (their stepping stool) and stood there for a second staring at us. After taking us in, she smiled and just watched us love one another. I said to my husband "Just look at her - she's learning how you love someone!" and that's truly what she was doing.
At 18 months old, I have been told their brains are like little sponges, absorbing every subliminal lesson, unintentional associations and bits of social programming that surround their little lives. While we think we're teaching body part identification, colors and animals, what they're truly learning is how they will view and navigate this world in which they are a part.
That, truly scares the hell out of me. No really - it does. I'm terrified of having these little eyes (and mouths and hearts) watching my every move, and LEARNING FROM WHAT I DO! Yes, in those sweet moments, Dan and I have a great connection, but what about when I undermine his authority and question his decision - am I teaching them to respect him? When I get frustrated that I've lost the keys and the sippy cup has spilled and there's no more milk, and someone'e missing a shoe - will they sense and inherit my stresses? When my dogs are begging for my dinner or sitting on top of my craft supplies and I yell "GIT!!!" - are they learning to be kind and loving to our pets? While they're not yet too talkative, what about the words I say? Are they the words I would be proud to hear come out of their little mouths?
Today has been such a deep reminder that these children, my babies, they will grow to be who we teach them be. And these lessons are rarely intentional, but instead the classroom exists in our own subtle reactions and responses.
I consider my faith. How are my babies seeing me share my faith with the world? Are they seeing God's light through me in a way that will someday teach them to seek Him and have a light of their own?
While I wish the answers to all of these things were positive, that they were learning perfectly from what I do, I know that perfect parenting doesn't exist. We all do things we're not proud to do and "do as I say, not as I do" is a phrase that many families live by. But I want so much more than that for them. I want them to value who they are, because I am proud of what they have learned from me. I want them to find respect me as I have shared values that I would be proud for them to have.
And amazingly, as I am considering how I need to become better - for their sake, I realize how they intrinsically make me a better person for caring. |
I have mentioned to my mother how someday I want to make sure I take excellent care of her as she ages, because I will hope that my children would do the same for me when it's my turn. I can only hope that I can impart enough kindness, integrity and patience that they will walk my path behind me.
It's hard to believe how much my kids have grown up, even in the few short months since they've turned two. One of the coolest things about this age is how they love to be "helpers." Julie's the first to let me know with "oh no - spill" and ask for a "tow" (rhymes with cow) to clean it up. I'm so impressed with Brayden's abilities to follow two step directions, and put things away when asked.
