Busy by Choice

I can't remember where I read it the other day (probably on someone's facebook wall link or huffpost referral) but I fell across an article talking about how when asked, the most common response to "how have you been" is "oh so busy."  It went on to say that "busy" is valued in our society, it means that you've got worth, value and demand enough to BE busy.  It talked about how this "busy" is by our own hand and choice, filling our calendars with something to do every moment of the day.

(After further googling, I found the article I read, and impressed that it was New York Times!)

So it got me thinking about my own time and how BUSY I am on a daily basis.  I could share my daily agenda, but it'd make you dizzy.  I'm constantly providing food/drink or changing a diaper or breaking up a fight or rescuing from danger or calming a hurt child.  It's absolutely non-stop.  And on top of it, I'm checking one of my three gmail accounts, answering a text, seeing who liked my latest post in my ribbon or mommy facebook group, getting a beep when my best friend posts yet another meme, or when someone finally paid their hairbow invoice.

It's a lot, managing toddler twins, a small business, a blog, and volunteering for organizations.  There's day's I feel like I'm over doing it, that if I could simply just let all the rest fall away and focus completely on my kids, that I'd be less exhausted from getting five hours of sleep on an average night.

But ya know what?  I have a choice.  And I choose to be Type A - a veritable game of Diner Dash balancing all of my spinning plates at once.  I need something all my own, and these things are the slivers that still exist of myself - the me not intrinsically tied to my kids.

Simply put, we don't need the money.  I've surely invested more in this business this first year than I'll ever get out of it.  What I do need is my sanity, and having this identity independent of my kids keeps me sane.

I am busy by choice.

Do my kids suffer?  I hope not and try to fully believe that they don't.  I try desperately not to be "the iPhone mom" and to be fully present with my kids when we're playing outside or reading or at the playground or museum.  But am I checking my messages at the stoplight?  Answering messages while they eat breakfast?  Texting while they chase each other around the house?  Sure am - and fingers crossed I won't be regretting it some day.

Someone told me recently that I can't have it all - that either I need to be home and fully home, or work and fully work.  In this age of technology, how can this be true?  How are my kids not better off at home with me, safe and supported, even if I am slightly distracted or working on something while they watch Bubble Guppies?

Clearly I'm still working on balance - and with a little luck, it'll come soon enough.  In the mean time, when a good friend asks how I'm doing, "busy" is the answer I'll give, knowing that busy means I'm choosing to meet the needs of my kids, but also my own.  My needs for challenge and an outlet for my drive are all here supported by my choice to be busy.