My Dad

It’s almost Dan’s first official Father’s Day and the celebration has got me thinking about my own Dad. Although I didn’t always appreciate him as much as I should have, his unconditional love and support has been there from my very first day.

The earliest memories I have with my dad are of reading books all snuggled in the nook of his arm, exploring the worlds of my picture books.  Those colorful illustrations gave way to American Girls, Sweet Valley Kids, Box Car Children, Indiana Jones and every historical fiction book for children ever written.  Through the investment of his time, he opened up my imagination and creativity which is so much a part of who I am.

As I got older, I certainly offered my dad my share of “challenges.”  Boys, teenage hormonal drama, overspending, and unstable college majors all took their turn at changing Dad’s hair from dark brown to silver.  I’m sure I left him scratching his head wondering “what did I say that got her so upset?” on more than one occasion.  Looking back, despite it all, I know that more than anything, my dad wanted the best for me.  His reminder to “wear a coat” was only because he wanted me to be warm, and not really an intention to control my life (regardless what the rebel inside said at the time).

My dad has worked so hard all of his life in order to give me everything I could ever need or want, including my mom’s ability to stay home and care for us.  I know he thinks that because she spent so much time with us during the day when we were little, that she had the most influence on who  my brother and I have become.  And while my mother is a huge part of who I am, I think my dad underestimates what he has given me.

My dad believes in me.  He always always has.  He believed that I could be the best little mouse ballerina in the nutcracker when I was four.  He believed I could be the best singer in my high school choir.  He believes that I can have an awesome blog and religiously votes for me on Top Baby Blogs every day.  Whose Dad does that?  Mine – my awesomely supportive and proud Dad. 

Because my dad has so much confidence in me - because he truly believes that I can - I start to believe that it’s true, and that I can get through whatever challenges me.  I’ve learned to trust his words as truth and that gift of confidence is one of the best things a parent can give their children.

And most importantly, my Dad believes that I can do this Mom thing and will be able to give my babies all the love and care that they need.  Every step of the way he’s there.  He was waiting with a hug the morning before I went in for delivery, the day the babies were born.  He was there during my pregnancy when I was scared we were having issues.  He was there when I desperately needed him the other night when Julie was in the hospital, holding my hand and telling me it would all be okay..

As I sat there watching him hold my little girl, I could see his love for her spill out all over.  That love is the same love that he’s had for me my whole life, and I am so very lucky to be the recipient. 

Happy Fathers Day Daddy…

Late Night Breastfeeding Ramble

Warning:  This post is about breastfeeding.  I try not to post about it much, but just wanted to give you a heads up and an opportunity to back away now if you feel the need.

(a stream of conscious writing to organize my thoughts and clear my head)

This past week, Julianna had quite an accident.  It’s a really long story that I’m not comfortable going into much detail about quite yet, but needless to say it was an ordeal that included a lengthy experience in the ER and an overnight admission at Children’s Hospital.  When we arrived at 11 p.m., I hadn’t pumped since around 5.  This is pretty typical for my days recently, and not a huge concern.  As we reached a very emotional 2:30 am, I was feeling really engorged and even started leaking through my shirt (which NEVER happens to me).  Finally, I talked to a nurse who found me a pump and a lactation lounge and away I went.  Armed with a pair of 2 oz bottles and an empty 20 oz water bottle, my aunt and I took to the task of me pumping while she attempted to unscrew and empty the small bottles into the large one.  I was shocked at how quickly I filled those tiny 2 oz bottles that once took me ten minutes to fill in my early days!  So here we are like wild women, trying to just get me empty enough to be comfortable so I can get back to my sweet baby, and give that baby something to drink when she was ready for it.  I pumped about 10 oz total, and then stopped.  This was probably only half of what I had in me, but without a hands free bra, I wasn’t going any longer than I had to.  The next morning, I was up at 6, and by 9 am was pumping again – this time with a basket full of 2 oz bottles and my dear husband had the task of helping me.  I pumped to empty, and then resumed normal pumping later that day around 4 p.m.

Since this time, I have seen a dramatic drop in my output – about 50% of what I typically produce.  Could it be that my body thinks that my babies are done and has decided it doesn’t need to produce as much because of the few times I didn’t pump completely?  Julie’s accident was of course tremendously stressful, so could it be stress effecting my body?  I’ve been so close to my edge lately that I’m crying at the most frivolous things – like the Chinese takeout order being wrong or my mom suggesting a nap schedule.  Somedays feel like I’m not only loosing my identity, but also my mind!

 I have been so busy that I’ve hardly had the time to drink the water as I need to, and I’m sure this has some effect as well.  On top of everything, the night after I got home, I woke up sick in the middle of the night, and have had a terrible sinus infection since.  Could the infection cause a temporary drop?

Regardless of the how or why, it’s clear that my milk is not doing well these days.  I can’t help but begin to wonder if it’s time to turn off my pump, and pull out the formula checks.  My babies are used to formula and tolerate it well enough – it’s just that I DO believe that breastmilk is what’s best for them, and provides so many benefits.  If I didn’t believe it with all of my heart, I wouldn’t be tethered to the pump for at least 2 hours a day.

I know it’s possible to come back from all this – drink more water, take the fenugreek, Gatorade, probably cut back on my caffeine to help me relax, and most of all, pump more often.  I know all of these things, but yet I’m beginning to question if it’s WORTH fighting for.  My babies are almost 6 months old – my initial breastfeeding goal.  I’ve helped give their little bodies a jump started immune system and done my very best this long.

The thing I guess I question most is the value…  Is pumping for two hours each day worth only being able to produce half of my babies daily needs?  What happens if I drop even farther – is a fourth of their needs worth two hours?  An eighth? Will quitting give me more freedom and less stress, making me a happier twin mamma – or will it give me guilt for not hanging in there longer? 

As I’ve said so many many times before, the hardest part is when you want to do what’s best for your family, but “what’s best” is so unclear. 

Most likely, I’ll keep on for at least another week, when the babies have their “half birthday” on the 22^nd, and see how I’m feeling.  We’re going to a wedding this weekend and the babies will be with my family, drinking mostly milk frozen from my early days.  Hopefully coming back with a cooler full of milk pumped from this weekend will help me keep up with their demands for the short term, and will buy me some time to make my decisions.  Maybe a weekend away will leave me a little rejuvenated and help my stress as well. 

This mom stuff is not easy huh?

Twin Tips: Toys for Twins

I'm one of those geeky twin moms who would like their kids to coordinate but not always "match."  It works out well since I have one of each, and we love to find outfits in similar color schemes or in coordinating patterns or with matching characters for girls and boys.

Since the babies were born right before Christmas, it was the perfect time to pick out some super toys for the little ones and yes, maybe I went just a little overboard.  I thought I'd share some of my favorites that come in "coordinating" colors for your little ones.

My kids love their "Bunch-O-Fun" toys from Bright Starts.  I believe we picked these up at Burlington on the cheap and they're definitely a favorite.

We searched high and low for a foot and wrist rattle set, and I picked these garanamials wrist rattle sets from Walmart and the babies really enjoyed them for making all kinds of noises when they moved.

This was one of my favorite pre-baby purchases - a special Lamaze toy for each.  Mortimer the Moose for Brayden and Marina the Mermaid for Julianna.  They're awesome because they're super colorful with lots of ways for babies to interact.  They rattle, crinkle, have tabs for rubbing and places for chewing.  I love the attachment loops that make these easy to switch in and out for something new on the babies play gym.

I picked up these Babies First Doll and Babies First Bear out of boredom when my babies were delayed a week.  I must say, while they are soft and sweet, my kids are less than interested.  Maybe someday, but thought I'd include them as they do coordinate. 

These Take'n Shake toys from Bright Starts are cute, small (perfect for diaper bags) and are a nice distraction.  At 5 months, my twins are getting the hang of pulling them themselves and enjoy the reaction as they vibrate.

We received these teether toys from Kids 2 Grow as a gift at our baby shower and they sure are adorable!  Soft for cuddles but a great surface for our chewers.

Our babies have a ball with these "mesh" ball toys.  I love seeing their little tongue move in the holes as they try to fit the ball in their mouths!  They collapse, so they're perfect for a diaper bag take along.  We grabbed these from target, but for the life of me I can't remember a brand name.

Anyone else have any favorite twin toys that coordinate?  I'm always looking for new options!

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Julie and Brayden Update: 5 Months

A little late on our five month update, but better late than never! 

Feedings:  Bottle feeding hasn’t changed much in the past month, except that we were instructed by our doctor to try putting 3 T rice cereal in each of Brayden’s bottles to reduce his reflux.  We think it may have helped a bit, but not enough difference to justify all of the rice he was taking in.  We may be discontinuing the rice in the near future.  Hopefully, pushing forward towards solids will give them more of what they need that it’s okay if we loose a few drops here or there.  We’re still doing 1T  of rice in the overnight bottles.  Solid foods are going well – so far, we’ve tried Rice Cereal by spoon, banana, applesauce, peaches, and oatmeal.  If we do cereal, babies are eating about ½ a container each, but could take a whole container if I’d let them.  I’m looking forward to starting to make my own food soon – just have to find the time to buy the equipment.

Daytime: The babes are up most of the day with a few quick naps in the middle.  We try to spend lots of time on our tummy to help Brayden’s Torticollis as well as to encourage Julie to roll over.  Brayden is a rollin’ fool and it hasn’t dawned on Julianna that it’s something she should consider attempting.  I’m not worried that she’s not strong enough, because when she arches her back, she could likely get herself out of her bumbo seat if I’d let her. Feedings are 6am (B) 9am (J and sometimes B), Noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, 11pm  

                    

Nighttime:  We still have the best sleepers in town.  Both are going to sleep around 11, and then sleeping all through the morning.  Brayden does get a bottle with Dan when he leaves, but usually we don’t have babies to play with until around 10 am.  One of my favorite things in the world is Julie’s sleepy pose – with her hands behind her head like a little pinup girl.  Brayen rolls constantly and will no longer sleep on his back.  Of course this makes me a nervous wreck, but I keep trusting what everyone says – that if he can get onto his tummy, he can make sure his airway is safe.  Just thankful to have full nights of sleep (although it still never seems like enough)!

Schedule:  My thoughts that we had a schedule?  The babies were just kidding.  And my plans of waking up at 6:30 each morning to clean?  I was just kidding about that one too. J

6:30 a.m. – 4 oz bottle for Brayden, then back to sleep.

10 a.m. – Julie wakes up for a 5 oz bottle and stays up

11 a.m. – Bubble Guppies and Mike the Knight

Noon – 4 oz/ 5oz bottle and maybe another nap

3 p.m. – 4 oz/ 5oz bottle

4 p.m. – Fussy time for both babies.  We occupy them by being active on the floor, singing songs and playing with puppets.

6 p.m. – 4 oz/ 5oz bottle, plus cereal and some sort of fruit or veg

9 p.m. – 4 oz/ 5oz (Julie typically crashes in her swing at this point)

11:00 p.m. – Bottle and Bedtime

11:15 p.m. – SLEEP

Outings and Events:  I feel like we’re constantly running somewhere these days!  We're always on our way to visit Great-Nanny, head to a doctor's appointment, or to Physical Therapy.  Good thing the babies are good in the car!  We took two big trips this month, to Baltimore for the Preakness race.  We learned the lesson of a lifetime about communication when we realized that the babies suitcase, overpacked full of clothes for every occasion and surprise, had been left in the nursery – four hours away.  After some serious contemplation, I hit the stores and bought enough sleepers and clothing to outfit the babes for the weekend.  The hardest part was finding seersucker (Dan’s fashion requirement for the event) but I luckily was able to find a cute green seersucker dress for Julie and blue seersucker shorts and solid polo for Brayden at Gymboree.  Mamma got a workout jogging through the mall 20 minute before it closed!

We also ventured to Massachusetts for Dan’s cousin Eileen’s wedding.  We had a great time, and the babies were SO well behaved.  We hardly had a peep out of them for the ceremony, and with the exception of a few pterodactyl calls from Julie, all was calm throughout the beautiful event.  The babies met so many of Dan’s cousins, aunt’s and even their Great Great Aunt Jean (who I absolutely love).  It was so nice to spend time with the family, and get away for the weekend.  The long car ride to Albany (where we spent our nights at Dan’s parents) was pretty tolerable, although did have many diaper-change pit stops.  We learned that we’re more flexible than we knew climbing into the backseat between their carseats to feed while the car was still moving, and that we’ll be investing in travel video monitors before our trip to the beach in September.

Milestones:  Brayden is our little “Rolie Polie Olie” and rolls every which way.  Julie still hasn’t showed any interest in rolling, but trying to not worry about her too much.  She is SUCH a verbal child!  She babbles and squeals and smiles all the time.  I can’t believe how different they are!  Brayden has become a little quieter lately, but will occasionally give us a holler, especially when Julianna isn’t around.  Both are doing really great with the baby foods, opening their mouth when the spoon comes their way, and actually getting most of the food in their tummies.  Julie’s a major bubble blower and makes raspberry sounds constantly.  Brayden still giggles all the time.  A few of his favorite things to giggle about are: “Achoo,” “Chopped,” and “beep beep” said in a  low voice.  Julie’s only given a few giggles – usually when hair brushes against her face.  Maybe she’ll be my serious one? 

We’ve started really playing with the exersaucers and the babies love it.  Brayden adores the one we have with a piano under his feet.  He’s totally realized that he can control the sounds and I love watching his face light up with excitement.

I am the luckiest girl in the whole entire world.

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